(Friday): Reluctant Goodbyes and New Reunion Place

with one comment

Yes, as always, I am always late in discovering new stuffs. I don’t care, but I am totally hooked on Imogen Heap, who I have knew sometime before I started to listen to Frou Frou, but manage to really know the songs after listened to a Frou Frou full-length album, all these while, till now. Yes, typical as it sounds, I knew here through the embarrassing favourite series of mine, The O fucking C. They have good tunes ok. The song; Hide & Seek was used for the first season finale. It’s dark, but in a beautiful yet sad way. Get your ears on it.

The song could be a soundtrack for you to reflect so many things in your life. Her vocoder-ed voice is pierce through that fragile self that you have keep well hidden inside you, that you always shield away from others to see. I am inspired. There are so many interpretations on what the lyrics meant. And I just felt like writing some lyrics myself.

Which is also perfect as a soundtrack for what just happened that made me think deeply. About leaving. Leaving to here, Sarawak, a place so far away from where I used to call home and that as time passes by, erode it’s reputation as mine.

I have just received a message and hits me. I knew that it is quite hard for some of my closest friend, and especially for my best friend (first) -cum-girlfriend, Farhana; my hunney woogley, but I have never thought that it reaches an extent that I didn’t anticipated. I was a bit shocked.

I always see myself as a visitor. As a temporary resident. A person always in a constant mobility. In everything, unfortunately. I always see myself as having a lot to give, that it would be a fallacy to give only to a few. I try to reach out to as many as possible. Too bad I am not an evangelist or a tabligh.

If we see time line as a long road, I see myself touch different lives as I traveled down the road. That at different phases, at different stops, I touch different lives. That I will be gone, sometimes with a deep reluctance, after the person has become a different and changed person (for the better, I hope). Not much different from the corny movie that I have forgotten the name that I watched once starring Charlize Theron and Keanu Reeves. November something..

Saying goodbye is never easy. I still remember my mother’s eyes gets glassy after I gave her a long deep hug before I depart from LCCT to come here. Although I like to boast that my parents are used to me living apart from them and know that I live an almost nomadic life since I was 13, I know that deep down inside, they love me a lot and it doesn’t matter I am living for the 100th time, they still feel the suffering inside seeing me go. I love you Mon, Dad, Sis, and little Belle. And sis Yong Le.

I know the same thing applies for friends around me that I hold dearly. Their gaze as they look at me, knowingly when it was the time to say goodbye and they will not going to see me anytime soon- either at the airport that day or during the last meeting between me and him/her/them. The tales-telling saddened gaze that either can’t be release, uncomfortably cushion-filled inside or concealed from me, attempting to shield me from that thing that makes it harder for me to go. You guys know who you are.

Hate to think of it as a manifestation of my commitment-phobic personality. To everything, from financial commitment, friendship, relationship, familial ties and even place and time. But to a certain extent I know it is true, that once again, the outside, the unknown, the unexplored places and people are calling me. That I have to leave, to enter another phase of my life. No, I am not leaving you guys behind, I am not leaving forever and not come back, but I have elsewhere to go to now and I shall be back in the not-too-distant future.

Hate to think but know that surely, things would be different when I am back. There will lots of talk about the good ol’ days, of what I have missed out and updates of current things happening around etc. But it isn’t the same anymore. You’ve been there, in your last reunion dinner: Remember what you have talked to your old schoolmates? Or even a friend that used to be your inseparable buddy back then? What did you guys talked about?

It won’t be the same anymore, regardless how optimistic I try to be.

I have other places to land my feet upon, other lives to touch. My inquenchable thirst for new adventures, new faces and new knowledge needs to be satiated- regretably, with my friendships as the price.

And Farhana, my love, my dearest love that I treasured the most, be patient ok. I know that you hide your sadness from me during those last days that I am here- probably why you are still having those coughs and your body delayed it’s biological clock. It is very tough for me as well, it took me a lot of thinking before I decided that I should grab the opportunity. It is then that I realised how deep my love to you are. How much I am into you.

And to Jar, I am now dedicating a paragraph for you. I am sorry that I didn’t include you in the list. I thought you don’t mind, but please don’t be mad at me. It is very tough for me here. I was writing in haste. You always have a place in my heart dear, together with all. But please don’t quote names and saying things that will worsen the situation. I am taking down your comment. Our friendship needs no public declaration; I thought you always know that.

So, having writing so long above, I have only one question for all of my friends out there:


Don’t make me wait here like a fucking fool. Go and steal a credit card or something. Book that ticket, I encourage one way ticket than return. I provide free accommodation. You just have to share to buy new tilam for my house.

I already have a plan, whoever come here will be blackmailed into buying a single piece of furniture for my house, as a gift, as you buggers already saved hotel money and it helps me complete my house. If you want to be prepared earlier, I don’t mind getting a piece of Swedish furniture. Or clever art. Or a book. Or a graphic novel. I will come out with my wishlist soon.

Touring punk rock bands are welcomed, you guys can trade records, T-shirt, buttons or ‘zines or patches in exchange of your accommodation here. Kids here, I believe, without any prior investigation but kinda sure, needs and in dire states for new stuffs and merchs. Email me at yuenkokleong@gmail.com. Yes, you will still be screened.

Wishlist for now;

A current issue of Maximum Rock n’ Roll, Punk Planet or any other reputable ‘zines.

A few issues of backdates zines: old Heartattacks, old stack of Slug&Lettuce, Profane Existence, Cometbus, AVOW zine whatever.

Lots of nice buttons of cool punk rock bands to awe my students with.

CD, cassette, vinyls (preferance1: Vinyl>CD>cassette, preferance2: cool foreign band>your band, whatever it’s name is)

Patches to sew on my too plain-y slack pants.

A tilam/ Toto

An electric water kettle.

A cyclinder of butane cooking gas.

A fridge or a Coleman for beers.

A washing machine.

A pair of new drumsticks.

A ricecooker.

Art supplies.

Cooking supplies.

Books, selected titles only: I want that The Alchemist that has been sitting at Ricecooker shop with awesome illustration (Hope it is still there).

A light bicycle frame (frame only, I already have nice parts to attach it with)

Two spanners (combination of size 13, 14 and 15: rounded or open. Prefer the rounded ones)

A Swiss-Army-Knife-Like bicycle maintenance all in one tool.

A stack of porn (I am um, quite lonely here).

Muar or Tenom coffee (the coffee her is so diluted even though you emphasized you want kaw)

Don’t miss this chance! Wait for too long, I will go abroad to study then you have to wait another few years. What better place than here, what better time than NOW?


Written by yuenkokleong

August 27, 2007 at 12:51 am

Posted in Days at Sarawak

One Response

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  1. demand siot!!haha


    September 1, 2007 at 4:21 pm

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