Public Service Announcement

with one comment

Looking forward to be invited to parties?

This is your lucky day!

Below I will list a few fundamental rules that if observed, will keep you repeatedly invited to parties! Failure to do so is almost a sure-shot way to get yourself blacklisted.

1) Do not fucking puke in the sink! (Also applies to shower/toilet drainage)

It’s OK to puke.  That is expected when there’s drinks and repeated langgak being called out. No ego involved. And sure as hell from where I come from, I won’t laugh at you.

Sink, also known as wash basin is a place to Wash Hands. It has a trap, either in the S-, U- shape or a in a detachable cup, right underneath the basin. Take a look at it next time and remember, solid waste (i.e. bits of food like Salad Chicken Rice that you have just consumed) are trapped there, rendering it unable to channel the incoming liquids and resulting in blockage. A sight of floating concoction soup of your digestive juice and recognizable bits of food greeting those unfortunate enough to make the toilet visit after you. And no, no host would love to cleanup after you.

If you need to puke indoors, why not try the Toilet Bowl? It’s usually situated not too far from your favourite wash basin! So that it all could be flushed just like that. People will love you for your sensibility and with a little luck, would invite you the next time they are throwing a party!

2) Do not bump other people’s cigarettes

Bring your own. The rule of the thumb is, 2 is the maximum you can bump. The worst party-crime a person could commit: Chain smoking other people’s cigarettes! Especially when you are not much of a fund/food contributor. This law varies, but it depends on how close you are to people that you are bumming ciggies from. Best bet: Don’t.

3) Do not come to party empty handed

Once again, the rule listed out here is for parties at urban-setting among people your age. Do not arrive empty handed, bring something. Tapau some BBQ chicken, bring few cans of beers (half a dozen would be nice number), a bottle of wine/liquor, bake a cake. ANYTHING. Because it is sure as hell your swinging dick doesn’t constitute a contribution.

4) Do not be a glutton

Other people want to taste the food and the drinks too.

5) Observe what is politically correct things/jokes to tell

Test the water. Eavesdrop other people’s conversation. Get a feel of what is appopriate and what is not to be told. The degree of lewd- and grossness that different crowd could accept varies. Or if you don’t have anything interesting to say, just SHUT THE FUCK UP. Too many people wanna talk and no one listens anyway. I don’t want to listen about you, you and you. Yes, you who likes to highlight your mundane life as if its so interesting.

Common sense is an oxymoron.

I hope this few simple tips could benefit that someone out there. I have the best intentions to your interest.  Start practicing now!


Written by yuenkokleong

April 7, 2009 at 3:22 pm

One Response

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  1. bake cake? i thin i qualify.


    April 8, 2009 at 12:57 am

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