I am a great self-belief speculator

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One thing about me is I’m a a paranoid.

Now paranoid is not only how people describe as ‘fear of people looking, or other people speculating, see through your bluff, see through your decoy and actings, see your true self’- those are all the external factors, well at least internal factor caused by, or seemingly caused by, external factors. But another head of the hydra is the tendency to make your own horrific worst case scenario conclusion.

My greatest fuckup is the second impairment of mine. I fucking think too much. I would ‘see’ things, distinct or not, of all being interrelated and have my own assumptions that later support my ‘connections’ to a chain of events. Self-referring, self-supporting cycle. This parts fucks me up till now and still continue doing so. I think too much. People can throw accusations to me about me being this or that, but believe me, the core of this is because of this paranoia of mine. And when i try to throw a light of truth by asking for clarification from and was not supplied with, it would further worsen my self-conclusion.

And now all these traits of mine are about to (already?) fuckup some great things that I have.



Written by yuenkokleong

July 22, 2009 at 11:47 am

Posted in Bytes Fiction

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